Posted February 14, 2019 – Narrated by Carmen
“I often wonder whether men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
We can’t avoid it any longer:
The question that comes up at least once a week by email which is also the hottest topic in our seminars. Even our closest friends – after a couple glasses of wine – broach the subject. Are we pushing our luck?
Is full-time travel together too much of a good thing?
The intrigue merits reflection and a thoughtful answer.
Morgan, our friend of 35+ years, put it beautifully in her comment on When Beauty and Beauty Meet.
“One thing I wonder about is: are there any relationship strategies that you have found helpful in maintaining harmony given your close quarters? I mean, I know you two have extra-calm temperments, but I imagine you’ve discovered practices to help keep the peace. I’d be interested in your thoughts.”
Wow. Most of our friends just say:
“How can you two stand each other day-in and day-out in that small space!?”
Up till now, we’ve nervously laughed them off.
Sure Jim and I have a few hand-picked strategies to guard the gates of LIB against marital disaster but who knows if they will help anyone else?
Nurturing relationships is a delicate business. Proceed with care.
Our solutions might be a breakthrough for some but send others straight to Cactus Jacks All Night Cantina to cry into a prickly pear martini.
We feel unnaturally blessed – another dear friend recently told me that we are living a charmed life. There must be something to that because as we near 1,000 days and our third Saint Valentine’s Day on the road, we can cautiously report that in spite of ourselves – being ourselves, as we are – we’re still together and still have no idea why Cupid has favored us.
I’m right brained, he’s left. He’s warm-blooded, I’m cold. My glass is half empty, his half full. He’s Star Trek, I’m Northern Exposure. I have a sweet tooth, he craves salt. He reads fiction but I prefer non-fiction. He’s up with the sun and I’m to bed at dawn.
Even our popcorn is unique – Mushroom for him and Baby White for me.
To illustrate our difference in latitude, the Myers-Briggs Personality Test scores us as polar opposites – he’s ESTJ to my INFP. We’re wired as differently as a potato masher is from an atom splitter.
The occasional argument
Of course we have them – but disagreements are not due to our close quarters or exacerbated by our 200 square foot Airstream Excella, because we still argue about the same old crap we always have.
Also, we love our trailer but we’re hardly ever inside. Unless there’s a dust, hail, snow or rain storm, we prefer to be out pursuing our interests, hobbies, chores and workout routines (swimming for me, cigar smoking for Jim).
Certain traits and values bond us – values which align more with millennials who tend to shun materialism for experience – and we’ve always felt alienated from Boomer culture.
Fascinated to distraction with what we don’t understand – like, each other – this curiosity and appreciation for contrast keeps us youthful if not young.
Keeping opposite hours helps.
In the morning Jim takes Pico for a long walk so I can wake up slowly to greet the noonday sun. Jim retires early in the evening while I stay up late reading, writing, editing photos or playing Scrabble.
Spicy food, good film and craft breweries are common ground – Belgians for me and IPA for Jim.
Our Kindles help manage our literature preferences – Jack Reacher novels for him, science and religion for me. But we love to listen to audiobooks together which inspires long conversations from radically different perspectives.
No doubt, this low-stress lifestyle soothes anxieties, reaping the benefits of difference. While I tend to stay focused on natural disasters, Jim is the tech specialist. Due to our differences, we have literally saved each others lives.
Communication is our best tool for keeping the peace. Safety is an ongoing concern so we respectfully talk through our plans, actions, expectations and all potential consequences. This higher level of communication deepens our relationship.
Watch for the signs …
Personal quiet time is a primary need. Jim’s cigar time is sacred. I figure anyone who lights a cigar prefers solitude, so I use that time to pursue my own interests. Writing in my journal sends Jim the same “do not disturb” signal.
But if regular routines fail to deliver enough solitude and one must leave the premises alone, then Pico can always use a walk or some therapeutic grocery shopping is in order. Our partnership is as much about respecting space as it is about being together.
But, as Morgan wisely suggests, there must be “practices.”
If one of us leaves the site to walk the dog or go for that therapeutic shopping trip – whether on foot, in the truck, on a bike or in a kayak – we must have tracking capabilities and use them. This is primary because while living on the road, communication can save a life. The iPhone “Find Friends” app usually works for us but if we don’t have a good cell signal …
Walkie-talkies are handy for tracking purposes and also prevent misunderstandings while parking the rig – at least, if one of us gets frustrated the entire campground doesn’t have to hear about it.
Housework, grocery shopping, cooking, driving … Setting up and striking camp is teamwork. All jobs are fun jobs. If you don’t think it’s fun, then imagine the alternative: painting a fence, mowing a lawn or dealing with a troublesome neighbor. Ugh.
We thrive on radically different content but with the right equipment we can indulge separately – Side-by-Side By Sondheim for Jim and Live at Pompeii for me.
Every day is a holiday!
Flowers are everywhere!
Chocolate and champagne are always on board! Keeping secrets in a small space is a nerve-racking ordeal. It’s probably easier to hide a Russian sub in San Diego Bay than a new Tommy Bahama shirt in a 30′ Airstream. So LIB gifts are usually outings to museums, concerts or some novelty to increase brain plasticity.
Crowds are a hassle – so on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day we either grill something special or go out for a Costco hot dog – a rare treat.
Just Do it!!!
When we lived in Coronado, it was common to walk past public beach weddings. Occasionally, a critic of the institution would holler, “Don’t Do It!” We understand.
Regardless of the living situation, life-long commitment is a crazy path. Yet, forty-three years later, here we are … none the wiser, but joyful and always marveling in the energy of small (4-3-2) steps.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of our lovely followers!
What are your interpersonal coping strategies? Care to share them in the comment section below?
If you want to see our exact route, click here.
*photos in this post (unless otherwise noted) were taken and copyrighted by Living In Beauty.